When my best friend was 10 years old, his mom washed his mouth out with soap. It's not the act itself that made a lasting impression, though. It's the fact that in the middle of his punishment, the phone rang. With a stern warning to my bestie not to move a muscle, she went to answer it. My friend waited obediently, drool coursing down his chin onto his t-shirt, crying silent tears for five minutes. Then ten. Then twenty. It took her other son tugging at her sleeve, eyes wide with pity for...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
I know what you're thinking, Reader. Who's this stranger in my house? And by house, I mean inbox. And by stranger, I mean someone who looks a lot like an old friend who's "had some work done." And you wouldn't be wrong; there's been a major overhaul in this corner of the Internet. Only it didn't require a scalpel and six month's salary. My brand, Jennie O'Connor Creative, got a facelift. From the rebranded newsletter you see above 👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼 To the retired podcast, the best episodes of which will...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
I just booked a trip to NOLA, and this time I will not: Drink hot vodka out of a flask at two in the afternoon. Fall in love with a psychopath and move cross-country to be his girlfriend. Lose my wallet and scramble to board a plane without ID. Old me didn't listen too well to my hunches. My mantra back then was apparently: If you're not experiencing cognitive dissonance, are you even living? Six years later, my inner compass has stopped doing me dirty, though. These days, my spidey senses...
7 months ago • 1 min read
I'm the kind of girl, Reader, who's up for anything. A haunted house where they kidnap you and tie you up? I'm so in. Heard a strange noise out in the dark forest and need someone to investigate? I'm your girl. Move across the country to pursue a relationship with somebody I've known for five minutes who may or may not be a psychopath? I was born for this. But the one thing in life that turns me into a pile of terrified mush? Dolls. I hate them with the passion of 1,000 burning suns. I know...
8 months ago • 3 min read
The day I got my Roomba was one of the best days of my life. I was instantly gifted HOURS a week of my time back. The task of emptying a metric fuckton of dusty cat hair from a 4-inch box became a bizarrely satisfying ritual. A rite of passage into adulthood, you might say. But the shiny new vacuum smell has worn off. Maybe it's because Roombas are like iPhones and self-destruct after two years. Maybe, like me, when they hit middle age, they no longer move as well and sometimes leak fluid....
9 months ago • 3 min read
I heard a movie quote the other night that made me cackle.* "I never had children. Sometimes I wonder if I wish I should have." It reminded me of the time I was chatting with Rosalba, the gal who cleaned the cooking studio at which I used to work, about the fact that I had no plans to be a mom. "Oh? You're very selfish, aren't you?" she asked, seemingly unaware that maybe she shouldn't say every thought she has out loud. I blinked at her for a few moments before replying, "Yes. Yes, I am."...
10 months ago • 1 min read
I'll never forget the Hanukkah I spent with my college boyfriend. His family was a colorful cast of characters on a normal day, so wine-fueled, they were . . . extra. That's why it isn't surprising that before dinner even started, my bf's step-dad Steve, a sharp-tongued know-it-all, had jumped onto the bench we were sitting on, the better to bellow in his daughter's face about how animated Disney films should not be nominated for Oscars! I snickered behind my napkin because this was amazing....
10 months ago • 1 min read
Not to be an alarmist, Reader, but it's happening. The holiday mania has already begun melting our minds and turning us into Karens. 🤦🏻♀️ We've barely crossed the threshold into December, and I have already waited in a 25-minute line to purchase . . . get this . . . cookie cutter twinkle lights. 25 minutes for shit I don't even need to simply because it brings me a disproportionate amount of joy. But what a refreshing perspective, remembering that I was buying something for no purpose other...
10 months ago • 2 min read
Once upon a time, I thought witches were make-believe. If, on the off chance, they were real and secretly existed in a hidden enclave somewhere in the world, they were certainly diabolical. That's what happens when you don't question the things you're told growing up. So imagine my surprise when I met my first witch - a lovely young Swiss woman named Fabia, who loved French fries and cried when she read poetry out loud - at a Buddhist retreat center. Between sessions, she and I got to talking...
11 months ago • 3 min read